Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
