Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
