U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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