ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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