i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
