Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
