and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
