So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
