just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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