dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
