So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
