Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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