You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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