Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
