can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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