There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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