It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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