she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
