I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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