Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
