I think I won the penis lottery.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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