OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
