It's Friday. Sex?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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