I puked a lego.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
