If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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