i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
