that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
MIDGETS
????
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
