i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
