I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't put those talents on a resume
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
