take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
