she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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