Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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