i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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