I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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