I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
