The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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