my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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