I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize