Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
