I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
