i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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