I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
