i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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