Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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