Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
