And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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