god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
