please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
