I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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