laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
