So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
