That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
