well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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