My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
