Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
