I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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