Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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