i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
