She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
