did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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