im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
