nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize