Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
