So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
