Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize