So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
