foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
