I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
