so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
