FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
