I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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