what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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