Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
