How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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