Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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