I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
