Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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